A renowned Rabbi was traveling on a train. Three impudent youths decided
to bother the Jew. They each made fun of the Rabbi;
"Good morning father Abraham!"
"Good morning father Isaac!"
"Good morning father Jacob!'
But to their surprise, the Rabbi replied:"I am neither. I am,
however, Saul, the son of Kish, who was in a three-day search for the
lost donkeys, and I'm glad I've finally found them!"
(contributed by: Robert, S.)
Q: When do you know when a dog is fully mature?
A: after they have their Bark-mitzvah
(contributed by: Hadassah, F.)
It Takes More than Brains
CONGRATULATIONS Were Showered on Kaplan. His number 49 had won the top prize in the lottery.
"Say Kaplan," asked Goldstein, "how did you happen to pick number 49?"
"I saw it in a dream. Six sevens appeared and danced before my eyes. Six times seven is 49, and that's all there was to it."
"But, six times seven is 42 not 49."
"Huh? . . . All right, so you be the mathematician!"
The Poor Cow
One Shabbos afternoon Hershel Ostropolier stood at the window in the rabbi's study looking outside.
"Rabbi," he suddenly asked, 'if one sees a cow drowning on the Sabbath -must one save her or let her drown?"
"Of course you can't save her! It's not allowed! What are you looking at anyway?"
"Nothing! A cow fell into the lake."
"'What can one do?" sighed the rabbi. "The Torah forbids it!".
"Just look! " cried Hershel, "Ai-ai-ai! Now the water is going over her head ! It's a pity on the poor dumb animal! "
"What can one do?"
"So you say, Rabbi, nothing can be done for her?"
"What concern is it of yours anyway?"
"Now I can no longer see the poor cow . . . she's gone under . . . drowned! A pity-a great pity !"
"What's the matter with you, Hershel! Why are you lamenting so?", asked the Rabbi.
"You'll be sorry, Rabbi! I tell you, you'll be sorry! "
"Why, in God's name?"
"It's your cow, Rabbi! "
Some of the Nicest People
A JEW came to his rabbi to lodge a complaint against other members of the congregation.
"Rabbi," he asked plaintively, "do you think it right of them to call me a fool?"
The rabbi listened with sympathy.
"Why get upset by such a trifle!" he consoled him. "Do you think fools are so very different from other people? Believe me, some of the nicest people I've ever known were fools. Why, even a fine, intelligent man like you could be one! "
Two sages of Chelm got involved in a deep philosophical argument.
"Since you're so wise," said one, sarcastically, "try to answer this question : Why is it that when a slice of buttered bread falls to the ground, it's bound to fall on the buttered side?"
But as the other sage was a bit of a scientist he decided to disprove this theory by a practical experiment. He went and buttered a slice of bread. Then he dropped it.
"There you are! " he cried triumphantly. "The bread, as you see, hasn't fallen on its buttered side at all. So where is your theory now? "
"Ho-ho! " laughed the other, derisively. "You think you're smart! You buttered the bread on the wrong side! "
Cunning Against Greed
ONCE there Was a cunning man Who Came to his rich neighbor and asked him to lend him a silver spoon. The rich man gave it to him. A few days later, the borrower returned the spoon and with it a small spoon.
"What is that for?" the rich man asked. "I lent you only one spoon." "Your spoon," the borrower replied, "gave birth to this little spoon, so I have brought you back both mother and child, because both belong to you."
Although what the man said sounded foolish, the rich man, who was greedy, accepted both spoons.
A while later the cunning man again came to his rich neighbor and asked that he lend him a large silver goblet. The rich man did so. Several days later the borrower returned the goblet and with it a little goblet.
"Your goblet," he told him, "gave birth to this little goblet. I'm returning them because both belong to you."
After a while the cunning man paid a visit to his rich neighbor for the third time and said to him: "Would you mind lending me your gold watch?"
"With .pleasure! " answered the rich neighbor, thinking to himself that it would be returned to him together with a small watch. So he gave him his watch which was set with diamonds.
One day passed, and another, and still another, but the borrower failed to show up with the watch. The rich man became impatient and went to the house of his neighbor to make inquiry.
"What about my watch?" he asked.
The cunning borrower heaved a deep sigh.
"Alas! " he said. "I am sorry to tell you that your watch is nebich dead! I had to get rid of it."
"Dead? What do you mean dead?" cried the rich man angrily. "How can a watch die?"
"If a spoon can bear little spoons," answered the cunning man, "and if a goblet can bear little goblets, why should it surprise you that a watch can die?"