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THE WEEKLY PARSHA

CHAYAY SARAH

[ Dvar Torah ] [ Passages on Prayer ]
[ Stories of the Sages ] [ Education ]

(Taken from a weekly publication of Hammaayan Institutes.
Translated by Rabbi Shabtai Teicher)

THE WEEKLY PARSHA
The Torah devotes no less than 67 verses to tell us the story of how Avraham found a wife for his son Yitzchak. It seems obvious from the emphasis that the Torah wants us to be aware, in general, about how important it is for a father to look for a mate for his son. In particular, the Torah wants to inform us about the great efforts Avraham made in this matter, and how careful and scrupulous he was about it.

In the first verse which opens this story, as a sort of introduction, it is written: "Avraham was old... and G-d blessed Avraham with everything" (Genesis 24:1). Rashi explains the connection between this verse and the story which follows it. The words "with everything" in Hebrew are "bacol", whose gematria is 52, the numerical equivalent of the word "ben" which means "son". In other words, the verse can be understood that G-d blessed Avraham with a son. Thus, Rashi continues, "Since he had a son he needed to arrange his marriage...." Similarly, Chazal (Kiddushin 29a) teach us: "The obligation of a father for a son is to arrange his marriage...." Therefore, once Avraham was blessed with a son he was obligated to care about his son's marriage.

There is a difficulty about this commentary of Rashi which needs consideration. The Torah could have opened this story by writing straightforwardly that Avraham was blessed with a son, and we would not have had to rely upon gematria in order to understand its plain meaning.

It seems that the Torah wants to relate to us a deeper lesson than the mere obligation upon the father to find a mate for his son. Rather, we are being taught about the attitude the father ought to have about arranging his son's marriage. He must be aware of the enormous responsibility that G-d has put upon him. He must know that his "son" is "everything."

The continuity of a person's existence on earth is only achieved through the seed which he leaves after him (and by his students who are also called children). When a person realizes this, then he takes great precautions and goes to any expense. He will exert himself with unlimited patience to assure that everything will be done in order that his son will be shalaim and whole, as Chazal have said: a man is not complete until he is married. Furthermore, the father's exertions will not be confined to the issue of marriage alone, but to anything which needs to be done to prepare his son for a complete life, and especially in the area of education.

In the sefer Darchai Mussar by Rabbi Y. Neiman another interesting point in this story is elucidated. On the one hand we see how much our father Avraham trusted his servant Eliezer who is described as the one "...who ruled over all that he had" (Gen. 2). In other words, Eliezer was in charge of all of Avraham's property and directed all the business of his household, and Avraham did not have any reason to check after him or investigate into his doings.

On the other hand, when he sends Eliezer to find a wife for his son, Avraham does not trust him until he makes the servant sware an oath to him!

However, Avraham's behavior in this matter is perfectly rational according to all that has been written here. Although he could trust Eliezer explicitly in any other matter, when it came to his son, who was "everything," he had to take more precautions than anything else. That is why he made Eliezer sware an oath.

In the same sefer Rabbi Neiman tells the following story. "I once entered the room of our teacher, Rabbi Moshe Rosenstein z"l, who was the mashgiach of the Lomzer Yeshivah. He was testing one of the children from the Talmud Torah in chumash, and I asked `Whose child is this?'

"He whispered into my ear, `He is G-d's child.'

"When he saw that I was taken aback because he did not answer my question straightforwardly, he continued and said, `If I told you that he is the son of Chaim or of Shmerl, then would you know who the child is? And if I tell you that he is G-d's child, then do you not know to whom the child belongs?'"

Every father must understand this about his son, who is "everything." The child was given to him by G-d as a deposit. It is his obligation to teach the boy Torah and educate him to serve G-d. This awareness will provide the father with great patience, and his dealings with everything that concerns his son will be a different matter altogether.

THE PRAYERS OF OUR MOUTH

"G-d, open my lips, and my mouth will speak Your praises" (Psalms 51:17).

Prayer is an important part of serving G-d, and it is the essence of worship. It is written, "...Serve Him with all your heart" (Duet. 11:13), and Chazal have said that this is prayer. Also, prayer is a substitute for the sacrifices which were offered in the Temple. The sacrifices were described as "a sweet scent to G-d," and it is incumbent upon us to arrange our prayers that they will be the same.

If a person wants to ask a favor of someone else, he must first know if the other one will be favorably disposed to his request, and if he has the ability to do something about it. When we pray to G-d for any of our needs we must realize His greatness and unlimited ability. He governs and directs the creation. With His immense love He is doing good for everything in the creation, at all times and in every moment. "G-d's love fills the earth."

Chazal have taught us that a person should arrange praises of G-d before he prays. This is very important advice, and the way to assure that our prayers will be successfully received.

The importance of the introductory praises increases as the importance of the request increases. The amidah prayer is the most important of all our prayers. It includes all the needs of the community and of any individual person, in both the physical and spiritual realms. All the hopes of Israel for the present and the future are integrated into this prayer which was arranged by the Men of the Great Assembly.

As he approaches the moment to begin the amidah, with completion of the first stages of his preparations, the spirit of a person is exalted. He arrives now at a stage where he trembles with emotional stimulation. With trepidation he takes three steps backwards. Then, with fear of G-d's awesome reality, he begins to step forward, slowly, slowly, towards G-d. At this point he cannot open his mouth or begin to utter a prayer. Therefore, it was arranged for us to say, "G-d, open my lips." All I want is that "my mouth shall speak Your praises."

STORIES OF OUR SAGES

"Put your hand...and swear" (Gen. 14:2-3).

These are the words which Avraham spoke to his servant, the eldest of his household, the one who ruled over everything that was his.

It is the custom in the world that if a person is going to lend money to someone else, he first investigates and checks the honesty of the borrower. After he has cleared away any doubts, only then will he lend the money.

In contrast, when it comes to matters pertaining to Judaism, such as buying kosher meat or tefillin or any other article used in religious practice, then people are not careful and scrupulous about checking and investigating. They tend to trust anyone.

Our father Avraham was just the opposite. In matters of money he fully trusted his servant Eliezer, who "ruled over all that was his" -- i.e., over all of Avraham's property. On the other hand, when it came to matters pertaining to the practice of Judaism, such as finding the proper wife for Yitzchak, then he did not rely upon his faith and trust in Eliezer but made him sware an awesome oath: "Put your hand under my thigh...and swear." Thus, it is told about Rebbe Yisrael Salanter z"l who once went to a village for a restorative vacation. When he arrived at the house of the villager where he was supposed to stay the villager asked him to slaughter a small calf for him. Rebbe Yisrael answered that he was not a shochet, and he was no expert in slaughtering. The villager continued to urge him with explicatives such as, "What is so hard about slaughtering a small calf?" After a few days Rebbe Yisrael asked the villager for a loan, claiming that he had a chance to make a good business deal and he would send the villager's money as soon as he returned to the city. Immediately the villager answered him, "With all due respect, but from where do I know you to give you a loan?" Rebbe Yisrael then said to him, "Let your ears hear what your mouth speaks. As far as slaughtering the calf you were ready to believe me, and you did not worry about eating treifah and nevailah and unkosher meat, G-d forbid. But when it comes to money you do not believe me and you do not know me!"

EDUCATING OUR CHILDREN

The following are some excerpts from the sefer, Messilot Chaim Bechinuch by the gaon Rabbi Chaim Friedlander z"l. They relate to the topic of maintaining communication with the children's educators.

* Respect the opinion of the teacher.... The basis of working together with the children's educators is mutual respect!

Even if the opinion of the rav and the opinion of the parents are not identical, and even if the parents think that the rav is mistaken, any hint of their differences must not reach the child. Differences of opinion should be worked out between the parents and the teacher without the child knowing about it. Needless to say, a note which is critical of the teacher should not be delivered through the child. Sometimes it is better to solve these problems through the mediation of the principal in order to make sure that it does not become an upleasant argument between the parents and teacher.

The Talmud teaches (at the end of Sukkot) that what a child speaks outside the home is what he hears in the home. Therefore, people must be very careful about what they say in front of children.

* The attitude towards secular learning.... Since the most important part is the study of sacred subjects, some of the children develop an attitude of neglect and denigration towards secular subjects, and this attitude finds rationalizations to justify itself. However, the secular subjects which we learn are necessary basics, they are needed for daily living, and they may even augment Torah study (such as writing). Therefore, we should be careful that they are studied properly, that the children do the homework which is required of them, and from time to time we should check that their participation, behavior and exertion in these classes is acceptable.

* Parents-teachers meetings... The essence of working together with the educators is the parents - teachers meeting. At that time we can get from the teachers a report on the conduct, study and yirat shamayim of the children. The parents can consider together with the teachers any problems which they cannot solve on their own. It is important that every parent find the time to attend these meetings; and if he is forced to miss one, then he should take the first opportunity available to go to see the teacher.

There are some things which are not applicable to these meetings, or to the participation of the rav. Nevertheless, scrupulousness about them at home will help the child's performance in school.

The household should be guided by consistency. This will accustom the child to discipline, and he will abide by the discipline of the school as well. * Simplicity.... Children need to be accustomed to a simple life. We should not spoil them with every good thing on the market. When they are older, who knows if they will have the means to maintain the same level to which they became accustomed as children? It is our desire to educate them to be benai Torah, and therefore they should become accustomed to get by with what they have.

We should not buy for them expensive things and toys. Certainly, such things should not be brought to school where they might arouse jealously.

We should teach our children to thank G-d for what we have, and we are certain that He provides for us what we need. Indeed, this is the meaning of the blessing, "who made for me all my needs."

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