EDUCATING OUR CHILDREN
Guarding His Mouth and Tongue
A person must be very careful to guard his mouth and tongue. He should
not say any disgusting thing in front of his children, and certainly not
to do it. No matter how disgusting the thing is, if he speaks it, or
does it, in front of his children, it is much worse because his children
will learn to do as he does. Then, if he says to them, "Why did you do
such and such" they will say to him, "But you did such and such!"
Concerning this we have understood the words of the prophet (Zefania
2:1) as a warning: "Adorn yourself first, and then adorn others."
If a father hears about something disgusting which was done, he should
denounce it in front of his children. He should exaggerate his objection
to it, and say that a curse should come upon those that did such a thing
and upon any that would do something like that. In this way the children
will despise it and distance themselves from anything like it.
If he hears of a laudatory act which someone else has done, in learning,
writing, etc., then he should praise it in front of his children. He
should speak about how nice the thing is which the other person did, and
that he will achieve high levels because of it. He should exaggerate his
praise in order that his children will desire to do good things like
that also.
In conclusion, he must try to distance his children from unbecoming
things while drawing them close to the traits of the upright and
saintly. For example, when the father arises for the morning prayer he
should take his son with him to synagogue. When he goes to do acts of
chesed such as visiting the sick, attending a funeral, helping other
people, etc., he should take his son with him in order to accustom him
to also do the mitzvah of chesed and caring for others.
Once, a saintly man whose son was standing next to him, was arguing with
another person in the entrance to the court where the sages were
sitting. The other person began to curse him, and to describe his deeds
in a terrible way and say all kinds of disgusting things about the man.
Consequently, the man's son became angry and he wanted to quarrel with
the other one.
When the saintly man realized that his son was also getting angry, he
said to him, "Why are you angry? If these things that he is saying about
me are true, then why should you quarrel with him? If I did such
disgusting things, then I did unjustly, and I deserve to hear reproaches
and curses. And if I did not do the disgusting things that he is saying
about me, then why should you be concerned about the nonesense which he
is speaking? Let him say it. G-d knows hidden things, and He knows that
I did not do them. He knows that I am innocent of all these accusations
and that this man is speaking falsehood and vanity."
(Raisheet Chochmah, Chapter on Raising Children)
